Home for the Holidays - Assessing Your Loved Ones

Coming home for the holidays is for many caregivers a very joyous and special time. For some adult children, this visit might represent the first opportunity in several months or a year to personally interact with their aging loved ones.

Most long distance caregivers rely on regular telephone conversations or by keeping in close contact with in-town siblings, family and friends to gauge how well an aging loved one is managing. For some out of town family members, it’s shocking to see the physical, emotional and cognitive changes in an aging loved one.

The Mid-Island Caregiver’s Network has a very concise “Red Flag” checklist they encourage family caregivers to use when visiting with aging loved ones. We’ve modified the key points below; the full list can be accessed at www.islandcaregiver.org.

• A bare or nearly empty fridge, spoiled foods or signs of weight loss may indicate noteworthy concerns that your parent isn’t able to eat well due to health issue or difficulty with shopping or meal preparation.
• Piles of unopened mail, unread newspapers and unpaid bills may be a sign that your aging loved one isn’t able to manage aspects of their finances due to health or cognitive issues. Or you may notice your loved one gives money away to every telemarketer or junk mail solicitor.
• You notice bruises that could be from a fall. Falls account for 65% of injuries to the elderly every year. Your parent’s living environment could be unsafe and/or a change in their physical mobility is putting them risk for falls.
• The house or apartment isn’t being maintained – noticeable uncleanness or your aging loved one isn’t able to care for their lawn, gutters, remove leaves/snow, etc.
• Changes in behaviour such as a parent becoming reclusive or fearful, or a lack of motivation may indicate signs of depression or dementia. If your aging loved one show serious signs of forgetfulness, that is not forgetting where the car keys are, but forgetting what the car keys are for, ensure you follow up with their physician as soon as possible.
• An aging loved one who visibly struggles with personal care including dressing, bathing and grooming, using the bathroom and getting in and out of bed/chairs are also major red flags.

Although the last thing you want to do over the holidays is upset the apple cart by expressing your concerns about your parent’s ability to remain independent, it’s not something to be ignored. Take the time to write down your concerns prior to initiating a discussion. Determine if this visit is the best time to start the conversation or would it be more appropriate to wait until after the holidays.

Holiday time isn’t merely about your presents (although my four year old would disagree) but rather your presence in your parents’ lives. Gifts come in many forms and for some, an open and candid conversation about future care needs and remaining independent for as long as possible may be at the top of the list.